I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
