eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
