So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
