I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
