have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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