Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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