So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
