At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize