I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
