not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
