it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
