You smell like stripper and shame
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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