there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
