Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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