He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize