I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
