Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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