I should be sponsored by Trojan
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Too much gin, very little bucket
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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