I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
