Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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