Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
