i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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