I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
