I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She announced her abortion via fbk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
