i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
