So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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