She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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