Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
