I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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