I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
