I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize