new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
