I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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