they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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