apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How's work?
Spinning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
