Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
