I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Couch. On fire.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
