I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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