Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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