check it out our google latitudes are spooning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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