If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
