i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
