I hate all girls vehemently.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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