i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
