Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
