And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You are the jesus of drinking
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
