So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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