...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
