he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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