So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
