I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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