You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
