If i come over, it means nothing
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
