i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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