My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize