wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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