there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And then he peed in my hair
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