I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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