We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize