We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
