The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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