GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
