false alarm. still invincible.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
