i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize