I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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