So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
