Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
