If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
