FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
