her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
