So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
