I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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